Dialogues

I'm glad you're willing to take care of that. Just please be... well... discreet.

Well that was very ... indiscreet.

You handled that with admirable discretion. We really appreciate that!

You will like this! Come quick, I have to show you something!

See that? This is where I nibble wood... but I’m running out of supplies. Birch wood, apple tree wood... the finest kinds! Do you know what birch smells like when you nibble on it? Mmm... like a dream in the forest! But it has to be freshly cut. I need it as freshly chopped as possible. Can you get me some?

Hello? Is someone there? I swear I just heard something... was that a crack? Or my stomach? Or a ghost? HELLOOO?! Haaaaalllloooooo! ... Oh no, maybe I’m just talking to myself again... Yes, definitely just myself... just me and my stomach... Would be a terrible time to meet someone anyway.

Ooooh! Visitors?! Visitors! This is like Christmas and my birthday all at once! But... So... I’ve got this tiny little problem. Will you help me?

Well... so... I put the toilet paper holder... um... on the outside. Outside! Who does that?! Now I’m stuck here like a... like a beaver in a dam! Could you... maybe...?

Ahhhh, fresh air! By the way, I’m Bober the Supreme Wood-Nibbler, your new best friend!

Well... so... I put the toilet paper holder... um... on the outside. Outside! Who does that?! Now I’m stuck here like a... like a beaver in a dam! Could you... maybe...?

TADAAAAA! Look what I made while you were gone. Isn’t it marvelous? Isn’t it grand? Isn’t it... a little crooked?

Hehehe, thanks! But wait, wait! I’ve got more! Look here... I built birds... Out of wood... Aren’t they magnificent? Maybe we’ll build an entire bird paradise together... yes, a kingdom! With a throne! For the birds! Or for me? Hahahaha

But... the birds need a house. No house, no home... no home, no happy birds! Makes sense, right?

Simple: build a house and put the bird on it! Bam, done! See? Easy as pie!

Ooooooh, they’re gorgeous! Like a palace! A... okay, a birdhouse, but still! You really build well... maybe even better than me? No! But almost! But... yesss, a perfect partner! Let’s work together! I’m coming over to you!

What a cozy place you've got here. If you set up a workbench for me, I can create some exquisite wood art for you

Wow, great job. That's an awesome new workbench. Now I need to get back to work, to create, to carve... Tell me if you need something! Let's create great woodwork together!

Welcome! It's always a pleasure to see new businesses setting up here! You're now part of what keeps this city alive and growing!

We want to show you our support by offering you your first contractual mission: If you help the city thrive, it will return the favor! Help us upgrade the city to reach new target audiences!

Good. Since you're on board, we can now begin formal operations.

That outcome was... not aligned with regulations.

This level of civic cooperation borders on legendary. The filing cabinet hums with pride!

Hello, a new city project has been authorized! We’re preparing to expand living space by constructing new residential buildings. Can you assist us by providing the necessary materials?

Hello, a new city project has been authorized! We want to dumb down ... err ... i mean ... expand media presence in the city by building a television tower! Can you assist us by providing the necessary materials?

Dear Mr. Justin Lumber, Your application for the purchase of the property dirt patch outside of the tunnel in Aahzville Forest has been approved. However, during satellite analysis and land surveying, we discovered inexplicable deficiencies. The legally required fences, which secure the path in this area, have mysteriously disappeared... You may already acquire the property, but before carrying out any construction project there, you must restore the path’s security and apply for a building permit. The cost of the property amounts to 256 dollars. Sincerely, Tilda van Yardstick, Cadastral Office

Huh. You’re early. You are not supposed to be here yet. No, seriously, you skipped a whole portion of the game. We are not ready for you yet, so get off our private property and come back later.

This is your last warning, get off this property asap!

You have been warned!

A visitor. Brothers, sisters, rejoice. The Eternal Spinner has delivered us a guest. But how did you get here? The portal gate has remained sealed for quite some time now…

Wait… did you seal the gate as well?

Ah, Harold... this family again. You have to be very careful of them, they are beyond evil...

Of course he did...

Forgive my manners... We are the Children of the Jackpot, devoted followers of the Eternal Spinner. Though... our brotherhood is incomplete. One of our blessed brothers, brother Luis, vanished the very same day the portal gate was sealed. Since then, we have been trapped in here.

We pray to the Eternal Spinner. He gives and he takes. His wisdom is infinite, his odds are unknowable. Long ago, we discovered him in the fields. Others saw an old machine, we saw purpose. Mesmerizing, powerful... He speaks through chance itself, every loss is a lesson, every victory a blessing. And now he has sent you here to help us out.

Two problems stand before us. First we must find our brother Luis. The ritual cannot be completed without him and second we need to fix those chains, holding the all powerful in place. Will you help?

Well aren’t you a surprise. Mildred, we’ve got company! My wife and I don’t get many visitors out here in the fields and the few we do usually don’t stay very long. My name is Harold, pleasure to finally meet somebody new.

Your timing is perfect, we were just starting to plan dinner. Mildred gets very passionate about cooking. Go on and talk to her, maybe you could lend a hand with the preparations.

Hi, so you’re the guest Harold was rambling about. Perfect timing, sweetheart. I’m Mildred, nice to meet you.

Do you want to join our Dinner? I’m preparing a special cut of meat tonight, and it’s missing only one thing. It deserves a proper sauce. Problem is, Harold forgot the mushrooms... Could you help me out?

Can you gather a few ingredients? A variety of fresh mushrooms would do nicely. Bring them back to me, and I’ll make you a dinner you’ll never forget.

A visitor. Brothers, sisters, rejoice. The Eternal Spinner has delivered us a guest. But how did you get here? The portal gate has remained sealed for quite some time now…

Wait… did you seal the gate as well?

Ah, Harold... this family again. You have to be very careful of them, they are beyond evil...

Of course he did...

Forgive my manners... We are the Children of the Jackpot, devoted followers of the Eternal Spinner. Though... our brotherhood is incomplete. One of our blessed brothers, brother Luis, vanished the very same day the portal gate was sealed. Since then, we have been trapped in here.

We pray to the Eternal Spinner. He gives and he takes. His wisdom is infinite, his odds are unknowable. Long ago, we discovered him in the fields. Others saw an old machine, we saw purpose. Mesmerizing, powerful... He speaks through chance itself, every loss is a lesson, every victory a blessing. And now he has sent you here to help us out.

Two problems stand before us. First we must find our brother Luis. The ritual cannot be completed without him and second we need to fix those chains, holding the all powerful in place. Will you help?

Perfect. You actually found some fresh mushrooms for the sauce. One, two, three, four... Oh wait... I forgot one. I’m still missing one special mushroom. It only grows in a particular place though.

Not far from here. But we don’t really like going there... Ask Harold about it, he can give you further instructions.

Ah... so Mildred sent you for the last mushrooms. The place where those grow ain’t natural, never was.

To get there you have to step inside the huge portal on top of the hill. You have probably seen it already. Years ago, some ducks went there and found something. They are obsessed with it and formed a cult around it.

You have to figure it out yourself. They behave very strange, obsessed even, chanting nonsense... Feels very wicked, if you ask me. I locked the portal leading there, to keep them away from us. The key is hidden under the doormat. But be careful, when you go in there.

Oh, you actually made it back from those wicked cult. Very impressive. Did you find the mushrooms?

Nice, Mildred will be very happy and I can’t wait to taste this delicious earthy flavor.

Who…? Never heard of him. Why do you ask?

I don’t know, and I don’t care. If you ask me, they should mind their own business… and you should stay far away from them.

Wow, you are back. And in one piece... impressive. You even brought the final ingredient, perfect. Thank you!

Very well then, the preparations for dinner are finally complete. Now we have to cook. Do you want to help me prepare those beautiful mushrooms?

Great, a meal always turns out better when everyone contributes something. Do you want to contribute a finger or two?

Hahahaha... Just kidding, let’s start cooking...

Look at that! Thin, even, delicate… Most people just hack away at them like wild animals. But you have a very controlled swing, my dear.

Thank you, you helped us a lot. As a thank you I will give you my recipes for those mushrooms, maybe you can use them. There is only one thing, before we eat. Can you fetch the big soup spoon from the storeroom for me, sweety? We need it for the sauce. It should be somewhere on the shelves, unless Harold misplaced it again.

It is the small shack outside, to the left of the main entrance of our cabin. Harold already unlocked it.

What in the world is going on in here? Are those real bones? And a cult robe?

Ah, you brought the soup spoon for the sauce. Perfect timing, dinner is ready.

Who cares? We found a lost wandering soul near the portal, who cares who he is... Look at this roasted beauty!

Kidnapped is such an ugly word, sweetheart.

And you were very helpful, good axe control.

We prefer "family dining with an exclusive taste".

That word gets thrown around so easily. Now then... Will you sit down for dinner?

If you do so, we need to prepare another course... and you know who is going to be the main ingredient...

Honey, give me my shotgun please!

You're no longer welcome here!

Excuse me, you look like an honorable knight or at least someone who moves with purpose. You haven’t seen my husband, have you?

The king, yes. Tall. Regal. Moves very little. Emotionally and physically. He mentioned he was going on a strategic retreat, which is odd, considering we are not at war at the moment. I'm starting to worry about him. Can you keep an eye out for him while you travel these lands?

He said he needed somewhere dark and quiet to reflect. If you find him, tell him his queen is still on the board, waiting for him.

Uh, this looks worse than it actually is. We’re… uh… merely discussing new move possibilities. Knightly exercises, nothing more… One must remain flexible, on the board and in life. Uh...

I was really just trying to castle, but then the situation escalated a little…

Well, oh yes, hehe. Please don’t tell my queen about this. Nothing truly happened here, the knight is merely my… uh… advisor. Please, please, keep it to yourself.

Cool that you got in touch. Time to lift weights... er, take action!

That was weak. We've seen better performances during stretching.

That was transcendent. The Pump has absolutely chosen you.

Oh, a visitor! Hello there. Kids, please behave! Please come in, but be careful where you step, Timothy is doing laps and Gerald is... well... trying to break a new personal record running.

Why is there straw lying around here?

Welcome! Sorry about the noise. This is what happens when you have... let me count... eeehm, most of a hamster family.

It’s actually pretty calm in here today. You should see it when things really get going.

For sure. We're trying for a daughter, right sweety?

Yes and we've been trying for a while...

Turns out fate keeps handing us more boys.

At this point we suspect the universe just thinks it's funny. But we keep trying, right hubby?

Yes honeypie, we are putting in work all day and night. Let me tell you, it is exhausting...

Uah, god damnit. My back is killing me... Those pillows are done.

Oh sure. That's a very nice offer. As you can see, wifey is pregnant again and some of those pillows are very worn out. I want to make it more comfortable for her. Can you improve these two worn out pillows please? She likes it very hard.

Those pillows look rock solid, just how she likes it. Thanks buddy!

Oh yes, delightfully comfy. Thank you! And now, as fate would have it, I hunger, specifically for my man and my favorite food.

You heard her, buddy, I’m on duty again. Mind helping me with the food request and getting her favorite snack? It’s pickles in chocolate cream. Strange, I know, but I’d do anything for my queen.

Hey buddy, welcome back!

Oh, that looks delicious! I'm going to devour them right away. Nom nom nom.

Thanks again. As you can see, space is a bit limited in here and the boys are that age now where playing in the cave is no longer enough.

We demand PURPOSE! And RUNNING! And SPEED! Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

They are full of energy and love to run, those little rascals. So we were thinking... purely hypothetically...

...and entirely voluntarily...

What if all this energy went into something… productive?

We want to be PRODUCTIVE! We want to RUN! Wheeeeeee!

We've developed a unique pipe system here at home so our boys can enjoy some fresh air. But it seems the pipe is blocked; if you clear it, the boys can play outside again, and perhaps you have some ideas for keeping them occupied.

Next to the outlet pipe there is also a small inlet pipe; if you occasionally send me one of your treats there, I'll send the boys up to play.

Hey buddy, good to see you. My queen is very hungry and I need a break...

Oh, that looks delicious! I'm going to devour them right away. Nom nom nom.

I’m not warning you again. Stop, or I’ll call the guards!

That’s enough! Leave her alone !

Yo, axe boy! Step over here. We need to chat.

Uaah... wha... ah. Yes... yes... I am awake. Working hard on stuff... I am starting to get used to those axe vibrations. A rather unconventional alarm clock. But... technically very effective nonetheless. What... can I do for you?

Ah... yes. I... see. The fences have been repaired. Excellent. Or at least... structurally sufficient. This fulfills the minimum requirements... for path security. Yes, the path is now... compliant.

Together with my colleagues... at the building authority we are already working very hard on your building permit. Extremely... hard. And yet... it will still take time. Such a complex request generates... an extraordinary amount of paperwork. Paperwork about paperwork. The hurdle is large. Very large. You must understand... yours is not the only request awaiting attention.

Let me... think about it. Stamping permits... is not allowed. Signing applications... also... strictly forbidden. Counting passing vehicles... likewise a definite no. But you could assist us with shredding files. Yes. That task... is permissible. It also happens to be next on my list. A very long list. The work takes considerable time... because so many old documents have accumulated. Mountains of them. Entire bureaucratic landscapes of them.

May I... classify your response as affirmative... or negative?

Alright... thank you for your cooperation. This will... considerably reduce your waiting time. I will instruct my colleague at the post office to airdrop some of these files to you. However... do not be surprised, it is a substantial amount. Quite... a lot, in fact.

Understandable. In this case... you must wait for the permit to overcome the necessary bureaucratic hurdles. It will take...time...

Uaah... whaah. I am... awake. Just resting my eyes... in accordance with break regulation §312, subsection three. I have received confirmation from my colleagues... that the files have been successfully reduced... to confetti. Thank you. Excellent work. Truly... efficient. You have saved the office several weeks... of procedural fatigue.

Oh, the permit... We did our part and your building permit has finally... completed its long bureaucratic journey. Official. Approved. Valid. Congratulations are... in order. You may now... proceed with your construction plans.

Well, thank you for your patience and help and good luck... with the construction.

Uaah... wha ah. I am... awake. Just resting my eyes... in accordance with break regulation §312, subsection three. How can I help you?

Oh, the permit... We did our part and your building permit has finally... completed its long bureaucratic journey. Official. Approved. Valid. Congratulations are... in order. You may now... proceed with your construction plans.

Well, thank you for your patience and help and good luck... with the construction.

Alright, apprenticeship years are over. Time to set you free. Unleash your inner capitalist! We need cold, hard capital to get this business up and running. I’m talking sweet, delicious money cash, dough, dineros, the green stuff. Furnox never sleeps... Start selling stuff and make us some moola!

Very nice, do you hear this? Money talks... ...and I listen. And right now it says: headquarters. Go buy some dirt for our home base! The official stamp-stamper in the tunnel should help you out.

...

... ...

...

Wait...What...Ah. Good day sir. Yes? Do you... wish to speak with me?

What... is it?

I am... the person designated for such consultations. Please... take a seat. Or stand. It does not matter. Rules permit either. Technically. Now... the matter at hand. What land do you want to buy?

Very well. Form 42 B, subsection 7, paragraph... four. Yes. You need to fill it out... in triplicate. I will submit... your request to my collegues at the cadastral office and... send you a letter when they are ready.

Ahmmm. Since we’re working with one of the leading postal companies, the letter should arrive very soon.

Dear Mr. Justin Lumber, Your application for the purchase of the property dirt patch outside of the tunnel in Aahzville Forest has been approved. However, during satellite analysis and land surveying, we discovered inexplicable deficiencies. The legally required fences, which secure the path in this area, have mysteriously disappeared... You may already acquire the property, but before carrying out any construction project there, you must restore the path’s security and apply for a building permit. The cost of the property amounts to 256 dollars. Sincerely, Tilda van Yardstick, Cadastral Office

Hey, partner! How’s it going? Managed to boost our business yet? Please tell me you’ve got good news.

Splendid! Now take some of our hard-earned cash and do the unthinkable invest it. We need a headquarters, and sadly, they don’t just sprout out of dirt for free.

You mean the recycled ones? What about them?

Oh, come on, that was a solid kickstart and you know it. It’s one of those ridiculous government rules, you know, the kind designed to make your life slightly more annoying. Opportunity knocks, you toss coins. Simple. You’ll fix things soon. For now, buy the property. The rest can wait.

Uaah... good morni... I mean... welcome back. My colleagues have... communicated to me that the evaluation... of your plans has yielded a positive result. Yes. Positive... indeed. With the letter it is officially confirmed. At this point you may deliberate... on the subsequent actions.

So you wish to purchase... the property. Very well. Technically... all is in order. The cost of the land amounts to 256 dollars. Yes. Fifty... dollars. Once payment is received... the property may be officially transferred to your name.

Thank you for completing... the purchase. Congratulations... you are now officially the owner of the property. Is there... anything else with which I may... assist you?

Ah... yes. I... see. You want to submit an application... for a building permit. Very well. Technically... all is in order. However the process will take some time. Yes. Considerable... time. Patience is recommended. Additionally... before any construction may commence... the security standards for the path in this area must... be fully met. Fences as prescribed by law must... be in place. Only then may your plans proceed... further.

Great. Let's get started!

You sure that was your best shot?

You didn't just help, you delivered! That's the kind of energy that builds empires!

Use your axe to chop the wood into firewood.

Did you know? You can interact with many things in the World! Simply look at them and press Key F

Complete missions to gain market share. More market share means more power. More power means more influence over Furnox. This is the long-term strategy for bringing down Furnox Corp.

You've found a very rare resource, the "Insane Gainz Protein Shake". Combine it with a Treadmill or Weight Bench for a permanent Stamina or Strength boost.

These doorways can be repaired and used for fast travel. Quickly travel home and back.

I wonder what these broken doors are for.

Oi! Business is up and running. Now we scale! Build us a research table and a mailbox so we can broaden our product range and drown in orders.

Excellent decision. We leave this in your capable hands.

We expected excellence. We received... effort.

You've displayed a level of competence usually reserved for people with yachts.

Good. Initializing task overview.

You somehow rolled a critical failure on a guaranteed success...

Incredible execution! If this were ranked, you'd be top 0.1% !

YES! Great! It's going to be so awesome!

BOOO! My grandma could’ve done that. And she naps a lot...

Awesome! You're way more useful than most adults!

Chose your Reward:

Sound the tocsin! INTRUDERS! Who let this dirt step on MY island? This is sacred royal ground. Did you bow? No? Did you bring a bottle? Also no?! Filthy peasants! And where’s my life guard? Oh right, that useless tortoise wandered off again... stupid shell-on-legs. God damnit! No manners, no tea, no loyalty. What’s a royal fish gotta do to get a decent subject around here?!

Anyway, come a bit closer. You could be usefull.

Ah yes, this will do. Dry scales, I had almost forgotten this sensation! I hereby declare the climate of your home superior to my little Great Britain simulation cloud. Thank you. Hit me up if you need anything. I trade knowledge against tea.

Good, that's close enough. Wow, you are actually able to follow simple tasks, like... moving. Now that you are in the awe-inspiring vicinity of my royal visage, I shall deign to introduce myself: My name is Sir Worcestershire the third, Earl of Aahzville Forest and owner of this beautiful isle.

Well, it is what it is... but you, my friend, are hardly one to talk. Look at you frail, pitiful, weak! And that axe? What is it for? Light carpentry? Decorative whittling? Do you plan to tickle the trees into submission?

Oho! Then prove it. Go on, try cutting down that stone tree over there. It blocks my view anyway.

Yes...yes! A fine solution, a proper solution indeed. Surprisingly, you are actually quite useful! Now, excuse me just a moment... (obnoxiously regal slurping noises)

Aahh, yes... exactly what I needed! Exquisite! It tastes divine and somehow makes my mouth even drier. Perfect. Just how I like it. Well done, truly! You’ve proven yourself. Perhaps you are the one... perhaps we could be of great benefit to one another. Now then, might I trouble you for one more favor?

Look at me... does this appear to you as a fitting residence for a man of my stature? This miserable board I’m forced to perch upon is laughable: far too small, utterly unworthy of my presence, and uncomfortable beyond belief. And as if that were not enough, my neck is in agony! Forever twisted to the left, stiffened and tormented by relentless pain.

I have a plan and give you one of my best corks, the rest is up to you... but the question is, are you truly worthy? Tell me... are you ready for the challenge?

Very nice! I hate to admit it, but you do have talent. The castle itself could have been grander, of course, but the idea of the beverage holder is ingenious! Now, do me the honor of freeing me from this wretched one room apartment board.

Ah, that feels divine! Your gentle strike has even realigned my neck, truly remarkable.

Me? Nooooo... Why...? How...? And if I may say, that wasn’t even remotely painful! If only you knew the exquisite pleasure that true pain brings... Ahh, that unforgettable encounter with a certain South French trout... (mumbles) ...Ah, forgive me. Back to business.

Alright, now help me take up residence in my new home. I’ve entrusted you with all my belongings. Place them in the grand Worcestershire Castle. And I demand to be positioned at the very center! Oh, and do turn me around properly, like a noble Wiener Schnitzel! I want to prevent this annoying left sided neck pain.

That is hardly your concern, young fella... I merely slipped. A true gentleman enjoys in silence, and I barely know you. Perhaps, in due time, I shall enlighten you...

Alright, now help me take up residence in my new home. I’ve entrusted you with all my belongings. Place them in the grand Worcestershire Castle. And I demand to be positioned at the very center! Oh, and do turn me around properly, like a noble Wiener Schnitzel! I want to prevent this annoying left sided neck pain.

My deepest thanks. And now... off with you! I wish to revel in my splendid new abode. Should I require anything further, I’ll summon you.

Thanks for the impressive view, young friend! I'd love to show you how to replace that half-baked excuse for an axe you're using with something better. But it seems you haven't managed to build yourself a grindstone yet. What a shame, I was almost impressed by you... Come back when you finally have a grindstone!

Well, well... I am almost impressed! Such potential, you might even prove a valuable asset to my grand designs. But that axe of yours is a disgrace. Use the gathered stone resources, forge a proper grindstone, and craft yourself a real axe.

Good boy! That’s exactly what I mean. At last we have ascended to the Stone Age! Progress worthy of my greatness!

Yes, enough of that, back to me! Look at this predicament! A treasure so glorious it practically sings... yet I cannot reach it. For now, I sniff its intoxicating bouquet... but a sip! Oh, a sip! Will you help me out since I upgraded your whole existence?

WHAT?! You can’t be serious... you must be joking, right?! I command: Do not touch it! This... nectar of the gods, far too precious for mere mortals, proletariat. You have to find another solution!

Welcome back, I'm glad you followed this convenient light beam by god himself to meet again. I have to tell you, this rainy weather is unbearable! Dreary, damp, disgraceful. I may have commissioned this charming little cloud myself, to resemble my homeland, but it is starting to get on my nerves.

Yes, yes, I ordered it on YourPersonalisedWeather.com. Atmospheric nostalgia! But I didn’t specify eternal misery! At first, it was charming, but now I crave variety. I hear you’ve constructed a new residence for yourself. Perhaps you might transport me there. I could be usefull to your enterprise or at the very least serve as a masterpiece of interior refinement. Either way, it would greatly benefit us both.

I do possess exquisite taste, after all. I was surrounded by magnificent furniture throughout my formative years. I could offer you a few invaluable tips in exchange for a modest commission, of course.

Smart decision. Let's get started right away.

Unacceptable. In a real emergency, we would now have a huge problem...

Remarkable work! When society inevitably collapses in the future, we will remember your skills!

Oi! You there. Could you help us out, cully.Stop pretending you can't see me! I'm stuck inbetween these bushes.

Finally out there, thanks bud. My name is Ulf, nice to meet you. I just came here, traveled a long distance. You see the stinky Factory over there at the Cliffs ?

Oh you know this stinky piece of a company. Well. We, my Family and I, used to live there, right underneath the Cliffs, where the last few Trees are still alive. It was such an piecefull place to be.

We lived there for decades. But one day, Furnox, build their Factory right above our living space. All the waste they dumped into the Sea and the air pollution, was just to much. So we had to leave.

I just left my Family at a safe place. Wandering around and looking for a permanent place to settle down. Just because of this stinky Company. I wish I had someone to supply me with some Gear, so I could swim over there and take revenge.

If you could get me something to reinforce my Turtle Shell, then I could swim over there, infiltrate this piece of stinkyness and try to sabotage theyre Crafting Machines. If you got the Gear, I'm at the manhole over there.

Oh, that looks fantastic. Im sure this will strengthen my Turtle Shell enough. I like the little spiky details. Lets hope they have a ton of baloons over there, hehehe

No worries, with this type of Gear nobody can't stop me ! You should take a seat over there at the Cliff to see whats happening. Don't forget to bring your Camping Chair.'

WELL, that was a landing! I've seen dragons bellyflop with more grace. You alright down there, crater boy?

Short version? Fired from Furnox. Catapulted. Sky. Ground. Boom. You made quite the entrance. Birds are still confused.

Insane? Please. That’s corporate policy these days. "We regret to inform you... please enjoy your complimentary flight." Classy.

Welcome to Aahzville Forest! Home of damp moss, dramatic cliffs, and now... unemployed humans with possible concussions.

Yes! Chester Hoardington! Actor, adventurer, storage solution! I once doubled for a loot crate in "WarZone Redemption IV". Now I’m stuck here, in an indie game with no budget. Life is cruel.

Weird is the norm here, friend. Now come on, dust off that crater from your face. You’ve got tutorials to survive.

Fine, have it your way then. You have no idea what you're missing...

Wait, wait, wait... you want to skip the tutorial? You just fell out of the sky headfirst, and now you're suddenly an expert at survival? Did your brain bounce up on impact?

Ah yes, of course. The classic 'I was born knowing everything' approach. Very bold. Very stupid.

Look, I get it. Tutorials are boring. But what if I told you there's a shiny reward at the end? Something... mysterious. Valuable. Possibly... gold-plated?

Okay, fine. What if I told you not doing the tutorial increases your chances of being pecked to death by ducks? That’s right. No tutorial, no survival tips. Just feathers. Everywhere.

You'll be surprised ... Look, just give me five minutes. Five glorious, sarcastic, mildly educational minutes. Then you can ignore me like the rest of society.

YES! That’s all I need. You won’t regret this! Probably. Let’s begin with something simple... like how to not accidentally chop your own foot off.

You made it? And you're not covered in feathers? Well... looks like the area’s clear then. No ducks in sight. A rare window of peace.

Don’t get cocky. Ducks are masters of deception. They can blend into shadows. Mimic wind. Disguise themselves as lawn ornaments. But for now, no quacking means we act fast!

Yes! Repair it immediately! Before they return with tiny wrenches and an attitude. We rebuild, we cross, we move forward, while the ducks plot their next feathery betrayal.

Alright genius, in that case: You need to build a PC. No, not a 'personal confusion'. A proper Personal Computer. Do you even know what that is, or have you been living under a rock?

Exactly my point! It’s a magic box made out of thingyfoo-thingies and whatchamacallits. It lets you and me order stuff we can't craft ourselves. Like snacks or fancy hats. I swear, I’m the only one around here who really knows what a PC is.

Yeah i know its a complicated thing. But I believe in you... mostly because I have no other choice. Now gather parts, build that PC, and let's get shopping. I want gadgets, upgrades and maybe a tiny disco ball.

Look at that! The bridge is fixed, the world hasn't ended, and not a single duck in sight. You, my friend, have defied all odds and basic expectations!

But listen closely now... From this point on, be very careful. That bridge is now strategic. Ducks love strategic things. They’ll be back. Probably with blueprints and vengeance.

No, what I need is surveillance drones and duck proof fencing. But I digress.The point is: you’ve done well. For now... I’ve taught you everything I know. Scary, isn’t it?

Now? We become partners. You: the hands. Me: the brains, voice, charm and chest of the operation. Together, we shall RULE the furniture world! And by 'we', I mean I get most of the money, obviously.

A tough negotiator, huh? Okay, okay... How about 70/30? ... No? ... 60/40? ... Not even that? ... All right all right, then equal partners it is!

Oh, it will. Weird, profitable, and slightly unhinged. Before we start our empire, there is one last thing you need to do: A very important mission ... emotional, symbolic, therapeutic.

Head to the nearby cliff. From there you’ll see the Furnox headquarters: big, shiny, and full of people who yeeted you out of a catapult.

Once you’re there ... let them know how you feel. Send them a sign. A gesture. A message from the deepest part of your soul.

See that axe over there? Used to belong to some nerd who camped here last week. Skinny arms. Glasses. Talked about cryptocurrency a lot.

Vanished overnight. All he left was his tent... and that axe. I did hear strange duck quacking around midnight. Didn’t think much of it at the time.

Yeah. Ducks. Since that night, I don’t trust them anymore. Beady eyes. Webbed feet. Suspiciously quiet... until they’re not. Anyway, grab the axe. You look just nerdy enough to wield it.

Alright, axe boy, time to commit your first act. See those fences? Smash 'em. Destroying abandonned property is technically recycling.

Because inside every fence lives... valuable wood. You’ll need the scraps to build a sawhorse. You know, for crafting. Like in every game ever.

That’s the spirit! Destroy meaningless structures, harvest their remains, and pretend it’s progress!

Excellent. You’ve got sticks and scraps. Time to build a sawhorse, because obviously you can’t just craft things with your hands like a caveman.

Alright, lumberjack lite, it’s finally time to chop down some trees! Yes, real trees. Tall. Leafy. Majestic. Full of glorious, glorious WOOD.

Like it? I am it! Wood is nature’s miracle material: strong, flexible, stylish! It floats, it burns, it builds... and it makes excellent treasure chests, if I may say so.

Confidence is easy when you're 80% mahogany. Now get to chopping, we need fresh wood to improve things around here!

Alright little woodcutter, our next step is to get our sales department up and running: You need to repair that dusty old drone platform over there. Yes, the sad metal slab covered in bird poop over there that looks like it lost a fight with lightning. Twice.

It summons delivery drones from the city. They pick up your handcrafted nonsense, sell it, and hopefully don’t crash into a bird on the way back.

Oh, they are. Big whirring idiots. But they work cheap, never sleep, and don’t ask questions. Unlike some freshly unemployed woodchoppers I know.

Good! Now gather some parts and fix the platform. We’ve got stuff to ship and greed to feed. And I want my chest stuffed with more coin than your last paycheck!

Great job with the drone platform! You're not as dumb as you look. Maybe. Alright, enough flattery: It’s time to turn that beautiful wood into something even more beautiful... Furniture! Not for comfort, no, no! We’re doing this for serious MONEY.

Yes, really! People LOVE buying rustic junk made by amateurs. Slap together a chair or a table and someone will toss coins at you like it’s performance art.

Because, my gullible friend, I am a chest. And chests love one thing more than anything else... Cold. Shiny. Clinky. MONEYYYYY. I want to be so full of cash I develop back problems.

Absolutely. Now start crafting. Let’s turn this tragic forest life into a booming furniture empire. Step one: chairs. Step two: Chairs with ARMRESTS. Step three: WORLD DOMINATION! Before we can get started, however, you need to build a workbench. Then you can FINALLY start crafting and selling glorious furniture. Now get to work! A furniture empire doesn't build itself!

Great job selling that furniture! I can already smell all the money we're going to make in the not too distant future! Now listen: You are doing great cutting down all those precious trees, but your axe is looking kinda dull... you should sharpen it to be even more efficient!

I had this piece in my inventory back when i was part of an RPG game. I used to be a great treasure chest! But no one ever came to claim the loot... So, i think i should give it to you.

Now go build yourself a proper grindstone! Then you can finally start sharpening your axe as much as you please!

Alright, carpenter in training, before you continue building your empire of overpriced chairs: I need you to check out the broken bridge down that path.

Oh, I’ll tell you what happened... DUCKS! That’s what happened. Feathered fiends. One minute they’re quacking, then BAM and the bridge collapses. Coincidence? I think not.

Yes, again! They’ve been too quiet lately... plotting, scheming, waddling with intent. Now go scout the damage. Just don’t get ambushed by a web-footed hit squad!

Magnificent, now they know what they're up against! All right, partner, time to get to work and show Furnox who's boss!

Listen: You are doing great cutting down all those precious trees, but your axe is looking kinda dull... you should sharpen it to be even more efficient!

I had this piece in my inventory back when i was part of an RPG game. I used to be a great treasure chest! But no one ever came to claim the loot... So, i think i should give it to you.

Now go build yourself a proper grindstone! Then you can finally start sharpening your axe as much as you please!